6 ways to deal with disappointment in a strategic way

There are many reasons why we experience disappointment throughout our careers, such as the positions of leadership, proposals and awards we want, but we can’t. Or the words and actions of people at work, in our community and society that do not meet our expectations.

Disappointment is a complex and multifaceted emotion. It may involve a mixture of feelings, including frustration for not getting what I expected and sadly because the result was important to you. Or you may feel regret if you didn’t do your best, resentment if the result seemed unfair or jealous of others who won the prize instead of you. You can also feel anxious about what can happen next.

After a disappointment, we are often advised to deal with the situation and move on. But this advice underestimates the emotional impact we experience, the choices we face, and the learning potential. It is also easy to fall into one of the three unproductive answers and get stuck:

Justice (“I deserved it”) -After working hard to win something, it can be easy to feel the right to win. But this answer often results from unreal expectations; Success is never guaranteed, no matter how talented you are. Being stuck in the question of whether the result is “fair” only increases your negative feelings.

Extrapolation (“I will never be successful in it”) – An adverse result does not mean that you are a failure or that there will be another disappointment soon after. But if we believe the future will be bad, we often act as if it were, resulting in a self -realizable prophecy.

Exasperation (“How could they choose someone else?”) – This answer ignores the fact that you have only a partial view of the decision -making process. Blind points and informational asymmetries mean that there were probably factors in play that you couldn’t see.

Instead, focus on what is under your control.

Here are six ways of responding to disappointment wisely and being strategic about your next step.

Also read: “Team First”: Tom Brady talks about the art of leading winning teams

Manage your emotions

Disappointment can be difficult, generating strong emotions that lead us to close or react in ways we later regret. Although it is natural to feel upset, as you deal with a setback is important-not only for your growth, but also to how you are perceived. Reacting badly can leave a lasting brand, shaping your reputation more than the setback itself, so it is crucial to manage your emotions.

Start by recognizing and accepting your feelings and thoughts about disappointment as something natural. Deconstruct your disappointment, identifying your feelings and labeling them with specific words. For example, after not getting the partnership in one of the Big Four (the four largest audit and consulting companies in the world: Deloitte, PWC, KPMG, and EY), Dina’s client, Anthony (fictitious name), told her that she felt “sad, disappointed and injured.” Identifying and naming your emotions reduces your intensity, guides your answer and helps you trace the most constructive way to follow. Anthony’s feelings pointed to the need for healing.

Talking to trusted people and writing about your experience can also help you process your feelings and has been effective in improving physical and mental well-being. However, be careful for who you turn. Colleagues who encourage gossip or negativity can keep you stuck instead of helping you to heal, and loose words can be remembered for years. The goal is not to fix it on disappointment, but to understand it, to gain perspective and move on in a constructive way.

Also read: 5 strategies to (try) improve your mental health at work

Realize your expectations

The disappointment often stems from a mismatch in expectations: you thought the desired result was an inevitable conclusion when reality suggests otherwise. You may not understand what decision makers were looking for, so you focused their efforts on the wrong areas. Or maybe you understood, but assumed that your achievements and skills would speak for yourself, or simply there was a stronger candidate.

Review what the decision makers said – or hinted at what they were looking for. Put yourself in their place and ask: Did you provide the evidence they needed? Be your impact on a daily basis, your personal brand, the quality of your presentation or your performance in an interview, how well did you defend your case?

Consider the environment as well. Who or what else could be in the dispute? What were your strengths and weaknesses? Where do you position yourself in the hierarchy?

Making this reflection systematically means that you will come out with a more reasonable expectation of the chances you had. Applying this process next time will also help you select future opportunities that better correspond to your strength and prepare for the process more diligently.

One of David’s clients, Jayne, acknowledged that she was an unlikely candidate for a CEO position. She had started her afternoon campaign, and other candidates had more experience. But she wanted to signal her ambition and learn from the feedback she would receive during the selection process. When she didn’t get the job, she was naturally disappointed – especially since her trust had grown during the process – but not surprise. With this positive mindset, she had a good start on her next role and began to explore future CEO opportunities.

Also read: Six symptoms that the CEO is unproductive – and what to do to reverse the problem

Allow recovery

Disappointment can be exhausting, affecting you emotionally and exhausting your motivation and productivity. Your well-being and performance will recover faster if you devote time and space to replenish your internal resources. This does not mean stopping or retreating for months, but intentionally involving work-related activities that promote recovery.

Consider which activities help you disconnect from work and reenergize. For Anthony, this meant resuming the routine of morning exercises he had abandoned in the intense race towards the decision about the partnership. What would be pleasant and restorative for you? Spend more time with friends and family, get involved in creative activity, watch a funny movie or participate in a religious service? What you choose matters less than the time dedicated to it.

Recovery is not indulgence; It is a strategic act. When you take time to recover and restart, especially after a setback, you not only reload yourself, but also strengthen your leadership. Leaders who prioritize recovery increase creativity and performance in their teams and present themselves in more solidarity and effective ways.

One of David’s customers, John, wanted to reevaluate his life after being deprived for a position. It was evident that the work dominated his identity, so when the disappointments happened, he had little more to support himself. Avoiding impulsive reactions, he chose to spend time reconnecting with his family, taking a new role in a committee at his university and improving his sleep and diet habits. This allowed him to be in a better position to think about what to do next.

Extract learning

It can be painful to reflect on disappointment, so it is tempting to avoid it completely or do it superficially. But this is a missed opportunity to learn something that will increase your chances of success next time.

There is much to ask and learn: the decision making process, decision makers, organizational priorities and power dynamics, their colleagues or other candidates, and their co -workers. Start with decision makers, facilitating and making them comfortable to provide feedback. Use short and simple communication that adopts a positive tone, such as:

Ask your colleagues and others close to you, including at home, what they have noticed about you or remember you told you during the process. Then turn inside, focusing on what will be needed to create the best version of your future me. Ask: What did you learn about the organization that will help you stand out and progress in the future? What did your colleagues or other candidates make you learn? What do you need to learn to do better next time?

Accept that you will not always get clear answers. But the act of deliberately learning constructively concentrating your attention and signals to others that you are adopting a positive approach.

Rebuild your confidence

It is natural for self -confidence to decrease after a setback. You can catch yourself questioning your skills, asking, “Did I interpret the situation badly?” Or “am I not as capable as I thought?” Although these thoughts are understandable, being stuck to them will block it.

Start by putting this event in perspective. A great disappointment can make us forget our past hits, so book a time to revisit and reflect on your previous achievements, be a big project you led, a difficult conversation you sailed or a risk that was worthwhile. Expand your vision and ask yourself: Will it really import in a year? Although a setback may seem devouring and so large at the moment, the answer is often not.

Then start taking concrete measures to recover the momentum, either by offering to a new project, proposing another idea or simply speaking at a meeting. Small victories help rebuild confidence.

After accepting his disappointment for not being chosen for the partnership twice, Anthony redirected his energy and focus for what he could control and took an attitude. He offered two projects out of his practice, expanding his network and gaining praise and new critical advocates in the company. Out of work, he applied for the local school council, led a strong campaign and won. Both experiments helped Anthony reinforce their skills and restore their trust.

Advance

Identify decision makers, sponsors, employees, informal leaders, mentors and others who support and tell them about their ambition, inviting them to help. Go beyond your work, showing how well you perform and can progress. Be a positive force, strengthening your reputation as someone with whom it is good to work and be around. Be the person who says “yes, we can” and who is focused on the future.

This is exactly what John and Anthony did after their disappointment. John aligned himself closely with his new boss, becoming a reference person by delivering high performance in priority projects and being an advocate of the new strategy he helped create. Anthony expanded his network at the company, offering two high visibility and interdisciplinary projects and cultivating their relationships with his boss and other key partners. Both introduced themselves to work with a more positive and opportunities -oriented mindset. In six months, John was promoted to a C-Level leadership position and Anthony became a partner.

If the organization’s priorities do not interest you or if what they expect from you is not something you are willing to offer, consider where you can move inside or outside the organization. Although Jayne gave her best in her next role, she soon realized that she would not be part of the CEO’s intimate circle, which would limit her progress. With this clarity, she began to explore new opportunities, including CEO positions for herself.

Dealing with disappointment is a strategic effort. It involves a series of choices on how to answer and what to do next. If done inappropriately, it diminishes your reputation and impairs your perspectives. If done correctly, it strengthens its determination, clarifies its focus and positions it for growth. What path will you choose?