Love, power and harm: study shows how dating a boss affects careers and companies

From the viral “Coldplay couple” to Elon Musk’s children with a Neuralink executive, we are fascinated by office romances — especially when they involve the boss. They inspire gossip, spark debates about power and consent, and sometimes end in scandal. But behind the headlines, a serious question looms: What happens, economically and professionally, when a manager and a subordinate get involved?

To find out, my colleagues David Macdonald, Jerry Montonen and I analyzed administrative data covering Finland’s entire population over 30 years. Our research revealed that starting a serious relationship with a manager at your workplace can bring benefits — while it lasts. But when it ends, the costs are high for the person with less power in the relationship. These relationships also negatively affect the broader work environment, increasing turnover among the couple’s colleagues.

Also read: Women receive 21.2% less than men in the private sector, report shows

The honeymoon period

Our research is one of the first large-scale, population-level studies of work relationships that cross organizational hierarchies. We analyzed the professional trajectories of all couples who cohabited in Finland between 1988 and 2018, focusing on those who worked in the same organization and where one of the partners held a managerial position.

We find that while these office romances last, the subordinate’s career flourishes. On average, your income increases by 6% (compared to people who have a relationship with a manager from another company). This increase occurs gradually over the first two years of the relationship, as the involvement deepens.

The vast majority of relationships in our study involve a female subordinate and a male manager. But looking at the small group of men who date female managers, we find that they experience even greater pay gains than women who date male managers.

Is the salary increase the result of favoritism? Or can a relationship with a superior generate mentoring and professional growth? We found that if the subordinate changes companies, the income gain drops by half. If the manager leaves, the gain disappears completely. These results look less like talent development and more like preferential treatment given by a manager to a partner.

The punishment of termination

Starting an office romance brings benefits, but ending it is costly. The subordinate’s income drops, on average, by 18%, completely nullifying previous benefits — and the negative effects last for at least four years. Employment rates also plummet: Subordinates are 13 percentage points more likely to leave the workforce in the year after leaving (compared to people who separated from a manager at another company).

The consequences go beyond the couple, clearly affecting co-workers. After an office romance begins, employee retention drops six percentage points, meaning turnover is 14% higher than at comparable companies.

This evasion is greater the smaller the company or the greater the subordinate’s salary increase during the relationship. The perception of injustice generated by romances between bosses and subordinates erodes trust and causes talent to leave the organization.

Why this matters for business

Our findings help explain why an increasing number of companies adopt rules that restrict or prohibit reporting relationships.

For example, McDonald’s prohibits romantic involvement between supervisors and direct or indirect subordinates. The policy is taken so seriously that it contributed to the dismissal of CEO Stephen Easterbrook in 2019 after a consensual relationship with an employee.

When personal relationships unfold within professional power structures, the consequences extend far beyond the couple involved.

These cases can alter salary structures, distort promotion paths and harm the morale of the entire team.

Clear policies help mitigate these risks, especially if they prevent managers from directly supervising their partners or influencing their career path.

These policies are not about prohibiting love at work, but about protecting both parties and the group from negative professional effects.

The lasting charm of office romances

We all know someone who has found love at work—maybe even you. Between 2000 and 2019, the workplace was the fourth most common place where couples met. A quarter of American workers have been involved in an office romance, and 18% of them have dated a superior.

Our findings do not suggest that all professional romances are doomed or exploitative. In fact, we’ve found that these relationships tend to last longer than similar ones.

This may be due to shared interests and greater coexistence — it may be easier (and more fun) to get involved with someone at work than to use a dating app.

But it can also reflect the high personal and financial costs of breaking up: when the end of a relationship means losing not only your partner but also your job or professional prestige, the incentive to stay, even when unhappy, is great.

The lesson isn’t that love has no place at work — it’s that power and love don’t mix well. Companies cannot (and should not) eliminate workplace attraction, but they can create safeguards that limit the damage when it occurs.

Policies that prevent managers from supervising or evaluating their partners are a good start. Transparency and recognition that while these relationships can work, they carry real and measurable risks for those involved and their colleagues also help.

The fascination with relationships between bosses and subordinates will probably never go away. But the data suggests that for most people and companies, the costs of mixing love and leadership are profound—and may outweigh the rewards.